So, I guess I'm now an Ohioan (Buckeye?).

I arrived in central Ohio in mid-August, just a few days after defending the dissertation. My head has just stopped spinning, and I've more or less figured my way around town. So it's time to start applying for jobs again. Ah, the life of an academic!

I'm enjoying it here. The town is super-cute, and the campus is lovely. My colleagues are wonderful. The students are much sharper, which makes my job both easier and harder in various ways. And I'm making more money than I know what to do with.

But at the same time, I've been pulled out of my comfort zone. The move went very easily, and everything was set up within a week. But I haven't really had much time to write. Between preparing my classes, grading and watching everything I possibly can in regard to the election season--I'm just starting to get into the groove of my new life. At least I'll have the summers to do some serious work, get published, and get a permanent position.

I never realized how much I missed Fall. There are no seasons in Florida--but rarely does one realize what one is missing until one finds it again. The slight nip of the cold against one's skin on a chilly October morning really makes one feel alive.

If I were a religious man, I would be praying that McCain doesn't win the election. Since I'm not, I'm just applying to a lot of Canadian jobs as a fallback strategy.

Boxes are packed. The dissertation is (mostly) written and (conditionally) approved. My defense date is set. The contract will be faxed on Monday to the moving company, and I'm ready to get the fuck out of dodge.

When I initially found out that I got the job, I was taking a walk with N. when it struck me that I was really going to leave. I remember being overcome by a sudden and powerful feeling of nostalgia for Tampa. That was in May, when it was sunny and nice out. But now that it's nearly August and I'm stifled by the humidity and constant rain, I can't wait to leave.

There are some things I wish I could say I will miss here in Tampa. There should be, since I've spent the last seven years of my life here. One of the more obvious things I should miss would be the nice weather in the winter. It's nice wearing shorts in January. But I can always come back during my winter breaks now that I'm making an absurdly large amount of money. And I've always been under the impression that warm weather makes one soft and lazy; I'm pretty sure it's done that to me.

I'd like to think that I'll miss the metal scene. All the great music, and all the good times at the Mug. When I first moved here, I would meet people whom I had idolized as a child--when I was blaring Covenant or The Bleeding on my walkman. And I'm delighted to call these people friends now. But most of these people with whom I have shared beers, I have shared little else. Not interests, nor personality. In fact, I kept most of them at a distance. Most of the people I have known here are bar flies, who are unemployed for large periods of time, may take a class or two at the community college, and spend most of their free time drinking. I'm not judging--but these are not exactly people who can carry on high-level discussion (which is probably why my relationships went so badly, because hanging out at the bar I always ended up falling in with the cute and dumb ones). And for the past two years or so, I've been largely excising myself from the bar scene here. So I might as well already be gone to most of them, anyway.

I think I'll miss some people. Certainly many of my friends and colleagues in the graduate program. But most of them are moving on also, and won't be in Tampa anyway. I'll be seeing them at APA meetings now, not at the local bar.

There were people whom I had loved here. But nearly all of them long ago have already broken my heart; since then even the last vestige of residual anger and bitterness has evaporated, leaving only apathy behind. Likewise, there were people whom were very close to me. Some of them are still here, but many I don't talk to anymore.

There isn't much left for me in Tampa. I'm a very different person than when I arrived seven years ago. I had a blast while I was here, but it's time to go.

And good riddance.

Life moves quickly sometimes. I accepted an offer yesterday. That means I'm officially employable (at least in the eyes of one small liberal arts college). Not three weeks ago, I was mentally preparing myself to be in Tampa for another year. Now I'm moving to Ohio in August. And it's strange.

Things generally seem to work themselves out for me; they always have. Despite my low high school GPA, I was able to work my way into a decent college. That college lead me to an up-and-coming Ph.D. program (buy low, sell high). And just as I was ready to give up on the market, once again things work themselves out on the job market. I couldn't be happier about the future--decent money, in a small town at an elite private college. And although it's just a one-year position, I think these type of credentials will give a young scholar the kind of endorsement which is vital to propel my career.

That is not to say I can spend the summer relaxing. I am still slated for two courses this summer, and need to finish the dissertation before I leave town. I also need to seriously downsize my footprint if I'm going to be moving from state to state over the next few years--remove all of the bourgeois accoutrements which tie me down. So things will be hectic. But at least I need to worry less about the prospect of failure, and can have a positive enough attitude to persevere.

Long time, no post. Of course, my long-time readers (both of you) are probably used to that by now, jotting down my own internal monologue in fits and starts. But I digress--

I hit the big 3-0 recently. Unlike one's car odometer, which is really pretty cool when it turns over, when it happens to one's life odometer it's just kinda scary. That's bringing out some long overdue life changes. A wise person once told me, "You can do anything with impugnity until you're thirty." In retrospect, I may have taken the inverse to be the case also. I've been avoiding going out and drinking, eschewing any serious relationships (or commitments in general), and have decided to quit smoking. For the past few years I've been in the process of getting serious about my life--bring it back into control, and getting done what I need to get done. After all, I'm not going to be a grad student forever. Pretty soon I'm going to be a (Visiting) Assistant Professor and shit.

The dissertation is coming along swimmingly. One final concluding chapter, and I'm done. That means I might actually finish and get the hell out of here by the end of the year. Not that there's anything wrong with Florida per se, but I'm pretty much done with the place. A strange air comes over one down down here. I've been long of the opinion that the warm weather makes one soft, and lazy. And I've certainly been lazy since I've been down here.

The job search is picking up. I had two interviews over the past two weeks, both in Ohio. Apparently, the Buckeye state loves me. I the weekend in Cleveland, for the on-campus interview stage. I had a great time, and I think it went well. But, of course, my only point of comparison is last year's interview from hell. But I'm cautiously optimistic that I won't be in this state next year (metaphorically and literally).

That's about all I've got for now. The next few weeks I'll be shut up grading and finishing the dissertation. I'd like to end with the all-too-common promise that I'll update more, but I know it's a promise I can't keep. I think I've been learning a lot more about myself recently.

For those who keep asking about the job search: STOP! I've got nothing yet. I probably won't until April or May.

Back to dissertating.

Preferably soon.

UPDATE: This post was written in a haze of personal and professional rejection and alcohol.

Here's some gems from the old inbox:

"I just bottled my first Floridian batch of beer today. It is an IPA for anyone who enjoys hops."

"your class is full. Is there any possible way that I could take that class. It counts toward my minor, Law and Justice, and I've heard so many great thing[s] about it."

"One wonders if anyone believes in laissez-faire (outside as pure propaganda) given the Fed's willingness to institute Stalinist tactics to save from the current crisis."

"Last chance for Economist gift subscriptions! Click here to order now! Save 75%. Get up to 3 FREE gifts!"

"We are notifying you that you have been selected on our “short list” for the Philosophy position at [institution removed]. We will begin phone interviews in mid January, 2008. You will be receiving a formal letter confirming this email and with additional information."

"If there is anything I can possibly do to bring it up far enough to an A that would be splendid."

"Good luck to you at the APA, but if you have to come to Chicago, you have a place to crash, for sure."

"I did not get a chance, after class, to tell you how much I enjoyed your class. It is nice to have a class that makes you WANT to think."

"I also know that now you can't be friends with me because I scare you, because I can manipulate you, and that means that I am smarter then [sic] you, and you can't have absolute control."

"Just realized I don't actually know where we're meeting."

"He also instructed that if he dies, I should look for a foreign partner who will help me to transfer the money out of this place (Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire), to his account and the person will help me to invest the money in that country. Based on this, I had to contact you bearing in mind that you will be humane enough to protect my life. My father finally died on the 5th of June, 2005 and since then, I was out of school and went into hiding because of my father's associates. All the relevant documents of the $8.000,000.(Eight Million United States Dollars) that was deposited in a Commercial Bank by my late father, are with me now. I will give you 15% of the total money, if you can help me transferring it into your Account, for onward investment in your country."

"I have obtained/borrowed a really nice cot, 2 sleeping bags, and an air mattress. Yup, it looks like I am camping in my own apartment."

"It's on the web? Really? I've submitted essays before, but I didn't know that my work got put up that fast . . . sadly it doesn't surprise me, though. There are a lot of things that get posted to the internet and people never realize it. Perhaps that is what's happened here? Maybe someone got a hold of my paper and posted it to the internet?"

"My lawyer has advised me to send this cease and dissect [sic] letter to you via certified mail."

"Women admit, that small-sized male sticks are totally inadequate in s'e_x! They just don't stimulate all sensitive spots inside female pussy effectively! Luckily, due to MegaDik any pen!s can now grow to a super size! [link removed] Possess longer and thicker dong, and your girlfriend will be pleased like never before!"

The last post started as an update of what has been happening in my life recently, but it ended up in a completely different place from where I began. So let me give you a few highlights of what has been occupying my time:

1. Job hunt (see below).

2. Dissertation: I have not been spending nearly as much time as I probably should have writing recently (again, see below), but now "I'm fixin' to dig in whole hog" as the Floriduh rednecks would put it.

3. Politics: Iowa and New Hampshire have set dates for the first week of January. That's very early this year, and I've been watching all the debates and political coverage--interrupted periodically by screaming at the television (especially when almost any Republican opens his mouth--do they think about what they say before they say it?!?!).

4. Interpersonal bullshit: God! Why won't people fucking leave me alone--even after you've already gotten rid of them! Sorry, people: no more time for drama. Too much writing to do. Stop emailing me and call your shrink; I'm not paid to care.

5. Nan: I started seeing someone a few months back. It is easy and fun, just like relationships should be. But I'm a bit shell-shocked from my last few relationships--so I need to learn that sometimes people say things without it being implicit criticism (N.) or an attempt at manipulation (Athena). Relatedly, I need to learn how to go outside in the daytime.

6. Depression: Related to stress about 1, 2 and 4 above, I've been a bit anti-social. Just the usual sense of inadequacy about--well, everything.

7. Grading: Fifty Hume papers of dubious quality are in my bag now. I haven't looked at one yet.

8. Professional Academic work: Two conferences in a month have left me tired and broke. And there's that book review that hasn't yet been started.

9. Football: The BCS this season has been like a 90210 episode. Fortunately, USF is doing really well; but due to all the fucking fairweather fans, I can't get a ticket anymore. This is the first season in seven years I have attended less than half of the home games.

10. Ubuntu: I recently had an incident where, after someone had tossed my bag with my laptop in it, my hard-drive failed. I had to buy a new disk (luckily I back up compulsively), and while I was at it upgraded the RAM, and installed linux. I'm still trying to configure it properly, but I've been spending a lot of time trying explore all of the features of Ubuntu (the Gusty distro, for those in the know).

Long time, no write. That's mostly because I've been extraordinarily busy. You see, October begins job-season for us aspiring academics--and I just spent the better part of the last month and a half sending information about myself to every job in philosophy for which I can remotely argue that I am qualified. Not a lot of people understand how the market works, much less how dehumanizing and stressful this process is. So let me answer the top-five most common questions that I get asked, and show you how stupid they really are. Please stop asking me these questions.

1. In what area are you applying?

I guess when it comes to K-12 education, one can move to a town and find a job nearby. That's because every municipality in the US has not only at least one high school, but also at least one elementary school and junior high school. Not so with higher education.

Every state has at least one public college or university, but many of them are spread out and it is not possible to really select the area that one ends up in. And that's because of the answer to 2.

2. Where would you like to end up?

This seems like a more sensible question, but just as stupid as #1. In fact, it's usually a follow-up to my lack of answer to number 1. I am applying everywhere from Maine to California. There's no telling what stupid and arbitrary reason that may make a given faculty either select me or not. That's because this is not a rational process. Internal politics and biases play a prominent role in these decisions. It is a common misconception that academics is a meritocracy. This is false. Academics is more truly political than, well, politics.

My answer to this question, when I take it seriously, is often vague. "Somewhere near the mountains," I like to say. And this is for no reason other than the fact that I've lived in Florida for so long that I need some relief from the lack of relief.

3. Why don't you get a job here [at the institution I'm currently teaching]?

Unlike corporate jobs, academic departments only hire once every few years on average--and it is usually in an area in which they need coverage, which may not be an area for which I'm qualified. There are some 500 jobs in philosophy this year. I'm applying to 80, which is far more than I am actually qualified for. That number is closer (but probably less than) 50. Neither of the institutions at which I am currently teaching will hire me full-time.

4. When will you know when you have a job?

The process begins in October, and you're lucky to know in March if you have a job. Unlucky people have to wait for June or so. Really unlucky people do not get jobs. So this question is frankly impossible to answer.

5. You're smart, so you'll get a job, right?

Wrong. Everyone with a Ph.D. is smart. Unlike in most lines of work, relying upon my intelligence hasn't gotten me any special perks for years. By 1999 numbers, there were 1.4 Ph.D's per job. That means not everyone will be fortunate enough to get a full-time academic gig.

6. What is philosophy?

*sigh*