Home » Archives » February 2006 » Happy fucking valentines day
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02/14/2006: "Happy fucking valentines day"
music: Blood for Blood, "So Common, So Cheap"
Some thoughts, for those like me on this craptacular of all Hallmark holidays, who remain lonely and bitter. It is from our friend Steve Martin, who was one of the pioneers of the philosopher to comedian transition (If you don't count Derrida, that is):
"After she left, in my travels I would sit in hotel lobbies expecting her to appear, telling me what a mistake she'd made. I would land at airports, thinking she got my flight number and would be waiting for me. When I went to a show, I would buy two tickets in case she had found out where I was and quietly joined me, nothing having to be said. I never figured out why she went away, but I did figure this out: love is a promise delivered already broken."
What our friend here emphasizes the "phantom limb" phenomenon that has resonated through my llife in the last few weeks.
Sometimes I think my friend Bonnie has the right idea: it's just going to end, so why even try? She has been in a self-imposed prohibition from love for over a year. But: she has a kid, so at least she knows love in at least some form in her life.
By the by: Athena emailed me yesterday, attempting to pick up some things. She said she was off today, and said it would be a "good day." Right. I'd like to think she's just being insensitive, and not willfully trying to fuck with my head. I would write her a nasty response, except I've put myself in a self-imposed isolation from her for the next few weeks. No calls, no email, no looking at her website (or, at least not as often). I'm going to get my shit back together, get over her and her bullshit, and have a lot of fun . . . without her. And then, by the time she realizes her mistake (and she will) it will be too late.
Happy Valentines Day, all. I'm gonna read some Marx. He always makes me smile.
Replies: 4 comments
on Wednesday, February 15th, Sara said:
Christie:
I think it's your best post to date. Everytime you write a comment, you come off as this preachy self help guru. This time you sound so human. After reading that, I'm a hell of a lot more willing to take advice from you. You know what it feels like to be slighted. Your not just some hippie chanting "be positive, be positive" all the godamn time.
Oh yeah, I had a crappy Valentine's day too. All of my plans fell through and I wound up sitting by myself in my living room, taking percocet, drinking cheap wine, and watching college basketball. I don't even like basketball.
on Wednesday, February 15th, Christie said:
Sara:
Thank you. You are right. It's just hard for me to let it be sometimes because I feel weak when I let my human side show. I'm too hard on myself. I am a "preachy self help guro", which is a gross throught, but I am also a mental health counselor. There in lies the struggle of allowing myself and others to just be human.
Thank you for being honest. I really appreciate it. Not many people are that direct with me, so I like it when I get some feedback that I can respect.
And yeah - my Valentine's day did totally suck. I have a "cheap wine, followed by beer" hangover, and now some guy is totally pressuring me to go out with him tonight. (He can't wait till tomorrow - it has to be tonight.) Fuck it! I am about over men for awhile, and just want to find some peace within myself.
on Wednesday, February 15th, Christe said:
Sara:
I just told Tom I want to meet you sometime, but found out you are up north. Too bad - you seem like a cool person. I could use more girlfriends like you.
Thanks again!
on Wednesday, February 15th, Original Post - Christie said:
It’s after midnight, so no more Valentine’s day.
Mine ended on an odd note, but maybe still in some ways a good note.
Definitely a reality check.
A friend that I had plans with and was counting on to pull through for me tonight didn’t.
Unfortunately, it opened my eyes to how insignificant I must be.
Excuses were made, but it was something that could have been solved previously.
Unfortunately, it was a real sting to me.
I’ve known for days my friend wasn’t going to pull through, but what can you do when you
don’t want to accept the truth?
Or when someone else doesn’t want to accept any responsibility for their actions, and
how they feel about their actions?
What do you do when someone is closed and doesn’t want to discuss things?
It all becomes assumptions - words become distorted by emotions.
So, what to do? What to do?
The only option is to just continue on your way...
