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Of all the institutions to whom I applied, most didn't even give me the chance. The exceptions being Hamline University (a first chance, but not a second) and St. Ambrose University (who seemed very interested, but now the chair won't respond to my emails). Even though those departments crushed my hopes, they did give me chance and that is to be commended--even though they did cast me aside like month-old leftovers.

A special "to hell with you" goes to the following departments who didn't even bother to send a rejection letter:

Forham University
Marquette University
Iona College
Bethune-Cookman College
Stonehill College
Hamilton College

Of these, the most eggregious offender is Marquette, who emailed me immediately when they thought my application was incomplete; the letters of recommendation arrived the next day, and that was the last I heard from them. I guess they were just looking for a way to exclude me.

And to all those departments I applied: you lost not only a great teacher but a promising philosophical talent. You'll all see the error of your ways it in a decade or so--

UPDATE (4/11): The top candidate has accepted the offer from St. Ambrose. In what can only be described as cosmic irony (or, perhaps more dysphemistically, the universe fucking with me) the guy turns out to be a James scholar. I'm teaching "The Will to Believe" on Monday, and I'm gonna tear it up--