Preferably soon.

UPDATE: This post was written in a haze of personal and professional rejection and alcohol.

Here's some gems from the old inbox:

"I just bottled my first Floridian batch of beer today. It is an IPA for anyone who enjoys hops."

"your class is full. Is there any possible way that I could take that class. It counts toward my minor, Law and Justice, and I've heard so many great thing[s] about it."

"One wonders if anyone believes in laissez-faire (outside as pure propaganda) given the Fed's willingness to institute Stalinist tactics to save from the current crisis."

"Last chance for Economist gift subscriptions! Click here to order now! Save 75%. Get up to 3 FREE gifts!"

"We are notifying you that you have been selected on our “short list” for the Philosophy position at [institution removed]. We will begin phone interviews in mid January, 2008. You will be receiving a formal letter confirming this email and with additional information."

"If there is anything I can possibly do to bring it up far enough to an A that would be splendid."

"Good luck to you at the APA, but if you have to come to Chicago, you have a place to crash, for sure."

"I did not get a chance, after class, to tell you how much I enjoyed your class. It is nice to have a class that makes you WANT to think."

"I also know that now you can't be friends with me because I scare you, because I can manipulate you, and that means that I am smarter then [sic] you, and you can't have absolute control."

"Just realized I don't actually know where we're meeting."

"He also instructed that if he dies, I should look for a foreign partner who will help me to transfer the money out of this place (Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire), to his account and the person will help me to invest the money in that country. Based on this, I had to contact you bearing in mind that you will be humane enough to protect my life. My father finally died on the 5th of June, 2005 and since then, I was out of school and went into hiding because of my father's associates. All the relevant documents of the $8.000,000.(Eight Million United States Dollars) that was deposited in a Commercial Bank by my late father, are with me now. I will give you 15% of the total money, if you can help me transferring it into your Account, for onward investment in your country."

"I have obtained/borrowed a really nice cot, 2 sleeping bags, and an air mattress. Yup, it looks like I am camping in my own apartment."

"It's on the web? Really? I've submitted essays before, but I didn't know that my work got put up that fast . . . sadly it doesn't surprise me, though. There are a lot of things that get posted to the internet and people never realize it. Perhaps that is what's happened here? Maybe someone got a hold of my paper and posted it to the internet?"

"My lawyer has advised me to send this cease and dissect [sic] letter to you via certified mail."

"Women admit, that small-sized male sticks are totally inadequate in s'e_x! They just don't stimulate all sensitive spots inside female pussy effectively! Luckily, due to MegaDik any pen!s can now grow to a super size! [link removed] Possess longer and thicker dong, and your girlfriend will be pleased like never before!"