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07/05/2006: "Second thoughts no more"
I was having some second thoughts on how stongly worded certain things were in the last post, until a recent email from N. I was then reminded how little people actually think of me, and it confirms exactly what I feared: there's nothing personally salvagebale in me (according to her I'm "rude and selfish") and so the only thing worthy about me is what I do: my work. Once again, I began to judge myself based on other people's eyes. And again, I feel like shit.
I re-read each word written a few days ago with renewed meaning. She has made my decision backed by renewed force: I will be severing all but a few social contacts for a while. It may be the only way that I can begin to feel good about myself again, because apparently people like me better when I'm not around.